


Lie to Me

by FallenWings21



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Anxiety Attacks, Black is the glue holding the lions together, Blood and Injury, Blue is a worried mom, Hurt Keith (Voltron), Hurt Lance (Voltron), Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Major Character Injury, Red is badass, Survivor Guilt, Team as Family, everybody needs a hug, rock and a hard place situation
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-16
Updated: 2018-09-22
Packaged: 2019-03-31 21:23:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 14,592
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13983603
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FallenWings21/pseuds/FallenWings21
Summary: The mission failed, they'd been caught off guard. Now they're cut off from the team, Keith is badly injured and Lance must find a way to get them both off the Galra battle cruiser alive- but time is slipping away for the red paladin and Lance can't seem to stop it.Much like the way he can't seem to stop the warm wetness from spreading.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! I've been writing fics for a few years now but this is the first one I've had the guts to post, I do hope you'll enjoy it!
> 
> If you're potentially triggered by blood, injury or similar situations I would advise you to be cautious, this gets pretty deep. If you want to know exactly how bad I ask you shoot me a message before reading. Just like reading a published book I find it better to not know what's coming than to read tags and be waiting for it so I have left it rather vague. No one knows you better than yourself, be safe!
> 
> For all the rest, welcome and thank you for giving this a shot- buckle up buttercups!

 

 

 

Lance didn't remember losing consciousness, but the throbbing in his head and ringing in his ears were a painful reminder that it hadn't been his choice.

"Uhhn."

Elbows wobbling, he pushed up from the ground, blinking through the shattered visor of his helmet and trying to piece together what had happened.

The galra ship solidified around him, red emergency lights flashing and a far off alarm repeating constantly- it didn't help the headache he could feel pulsing behind his eyes.

Memories of the fight came trickling back, bubbling up faster and faster, like a flooded drain hole in New York, spilling out unpleasant things as a tight breath pinched through Lance's teeth.

They'd been pinned down in the cargo deck of the ship, struggling to hold off sentries and soldiers alike, Lance remembered the floor humming wildly and the terrible feeling of moving too fast even though he couldn't see the motion. He was reminded of the gravitron carnival rides but without the gravity shifting to hold him against the wall.

It felt just like when Allura guided the castle through a wormhole.

Suddenly Keith was yelling for backup, for the lions, for Allura and the castleship....and then.

There'd been an explosion behind them.

Lance shook his head, pain radiating across his forehead and down his neck.

"Hey, 'llura, can you hear me?" His helmet was silent, the cracked visor clearly not the only damage; he pulled it off to relieve some pressure on his temples.

"Keith?" He called. The red paladin had been with him, they'd been back to back when the blast went off, fighting back some galra sentries. Lance blearily registered the sparking shells of galra tech fragments; the shockwaves had ripped them apart.

Lance didn't want to think about what it might have done to his own insides.

"Keith!" He tried louder, shuffling his weary feet under him as the floor tilted in his vision and Lance thought he'd be sick for a moment, finger tips finding the wall to guide himself upright.

Part of the ceiling had come down, large chunks of metal and plastic obscuring the immediate area and Lance took a shaky step towards the rubble. He had a nagging feeling of dread that had nothing to do with how his vision blurred a little around the edges.

 _Concussion_. His mind helpfully supplied.

When his hand reached out to steady himself on a warped section of metal ceiling he could finally make out a figure laying prone on the floor.

Lance felt his chest seize, fingers tingling with instant adrenaline as he registered the huge chunk of metal pinning the red paladin to the floor.

"Shit, Keith!" Lance found his feet pretty quickly and rushed towards him, heaving against the metal as it whined a little but refused to budge. He released his grip and kicked out some smaller supports, lightening what he could before trying again. The beam creaked this time and Lance shoved with every bit of strength he had until it toppled over with a resounding crash.

Keith was too still under him, lying there on his back, pale as a ghost with scorched armor and murky dark wetness soaking his suit.

Shit shit shit shit!

Lance dropped to his knees and felt for Keith's pulse, panic igniting when he couldn't find it, he pressed harder, fingers shaking- where was it? Why couldn't he find it! He couldn't accept that Keith was, that he might be- no, there it was, sluggish but there.

Relief was swift but short lived, this close he could see the extent of the damage the blast had done, the way Keith's chest plate was partially crushed and melted into his body, his helmet looked undamaged but blood was dribbling from his nose-

and there was a big fucking hole in his abdomen.

Lance barely had time to throw himself sideways before he emptied the contents of his stomach all over the battle cruiser floor.

He coughed, gagging from the acrid taste on his tongue. He heaved a few more times before swallowing down the nausea, he had to pull himself together!

Lance wipe his mouth quickly once he thought he wouldn't heave again, bringing his thoughts back around to focus on what he needed to do.

He had to stem the bleeding, but he didn't have anything to press down with! He could try to tear his flight suit but the fabric was incredibly durable and he didn't have anything sharp to cut it with. Numbly, he realized his only option at the moment was to use his hands.

Lance swallowed thickly before he pressed down on the wound, staunching the flow and trying not to be sick again. There was so much blood! It dribbled over his fingers and collected on the floor in a thick puddle.

"Keith? Buddy, can you hear me?" Lance called, half praying Keith would wake so he knew he wasn't dead, the other half hoping he didn't so he wouldn't feel the damage.

Keith didn't respond but a dull burst of static buzzed from his helmet and Lance leaned down quickly. He couldn't let go, his hands were the only thing keeping Keith's blood from pouring out of his body.

"Shiro! I need help! Please, if anyone can hear me! Allura! Keith is-"

Lance paused, swallowing hard as panicked blue eyes swept over the sickly pale pallor of Keith's skin.

"Keith is hurt, _real bad._ I can't-agh!"

A laser blast slid through the weak spot between his shoulder and elbow armor, slicing the muscle underneath.

"Shit!" Lance looked over his shoulder as a handful of galra robots were pushing past the broken door and into the room, bringing their guns to bare.

"Leave us alone!" Lance cried uselessly as he pulled his bayard out, blood coated fingers slipping against the metal and he willed himself not to see how dark red oozed up the moment he took his hands off Keith's abdomen.

Two robots fell quickly from Lance's shots, the other three fell back to fire from behind debris, taking pot shots and clipping too close to where Lance tried to shield his fallen friend.

You weren't supposed to move an injured person, they could have spinal damage, you could paralyze them, you could make internal bleeding so much worse.

Another blast of painfully hot laser fire bit into Lance's armor, just barely missing Keith's head and Lance pushed those thoughts to the back of his mind.

They had to get out of here, he had to move Keith.

Lance lifted Keith into his arms as carefully and quickly as he could, one hand circled around the unconscious boy's shoulders to press a few fingers against the hole in his abdomen, the other under Keith's knees. It was awkward, it didn't put near enough pressure on the wound but it was all he could manage.

He ducked around parts of fallen ceiling and hunks of metal, the three sentries abandoning their cover to give chase.

He could make out the glowing lights of an exit bay, there would be an escape pod there! He bit back a cry as sharp pain bloomed over his torso, one sentry had clipped him with a well aimed blast that heated the metal on his suit to uncomfortable levels.

Lance distantly wished he had three arms, or at least a tail- then he could return fire while retreating. But they'd made it to the door and he lifted Keith's hand, blindly pressing it against the biometric scanner and breathing out a relived breath when the door slid open with a hiss.

Two steps into the room and laser fire was already ricocheting off the walls from behind them as Lance tried to gently drop Keith to the floor.

Lance squeezed his eyes shut tightly, pressing down harder on Keith's wound before he leapt up and off, snatching his bayard off his hip and rolling into a battle crouch.

"Over here, you rusty buckets!" Shoulder pressed to the butt of his rifle, Lance fired off four quick shots and the robots clattered to the floor with a crackling burst of electricity.

The door hissed shut and Lance shot the control panel until it was a melting hunk of goo, only then did he take his finger off the trigger and let his bayard revert to its neutral from.

Satisfied no one would be overriding the controls and barging into the room, Lance quickly crossed the distance back to Keith.

He tried to ignore the fresh blood, the way his face had gotten ever paler. _Focus on what you can do now, right in this moment. Get in the escape pod._

His eyes lifted to the opposite side of the room-

The airlock was empty.

Past the second set of doors, where the pod would be docked was nothing, just the expanse of space stretching out unbroken before them.

His knees stung where they impacted the metal floor, exhaustion pulled at his muscles and the room shimmered at the edges of his vision. _Shit._

Lance couldn't seem to catch his breath and belly felt odd and tight. _I think I'm bleeding inside._ He forced the thought out of his head, it didn't hurt and there was nothing he could do anyway.

He gingerly scooted closer to Keith, holding pressure on him again- the boy hadn't so much as whimpered in all the jostling but the dark stain that now coated the front of Lance's armor made his stomach roil uncomfortably.

He unclasped the lock on Keith's helmet, pulling it off as gently as he could with one hand. He was about to slide it on and pray he could contact the castle when Keith stirred.

"Uhhn."

"Keith!" Lance spoke quickly, setting the helmet down and brushing an unruly curl off Keith's forehead.

A painful whine pressed past Keith's lips, gaining volume as he become more aware, fingers curling and eyes darting under his lashes. He took a sudden shuddering breath and then opened his eyes. The horrible agony there brought a shiver to Lance's skin.

"I can't breathe-" he gasped and then coughed wetly, crimson running over his chin.

Lance froze, his head was spinning. He could feel the bitter taste of panic, collecting like cotton on his tongue, tried to rein it in and failed as Keith kept struggling for breath that wouldn't come. Keith's arms flailed, gripping at his chest plate desperately, trying to remove the crushed metal. That finally sparked Lance into action.

"No! You can't take that off!" Lance grabbed at Keith's hands and met the wild fear reflecting back to him from Keith's round eyes. "It's crushed into you, I can't get it off!"

Keith seemed to at least grasp what he was saying even as his mouth worked wordlessly to take in tiny panting breaths. Another deep cough bubbled up from his throat and Lance tried to ignore the red stain in his teeth.

Blood was everywhere, all over Lance and soaking into his flight suit, congealing on the floor, still running between his fingers.

" _Lance._ " Keith gasped his name like a plea and Lance felt the prick of tears welling in his eyes- he didn't know what to do!

"I'm right here, buddy. I'm gonna- I'm gonna roll you over, okay?"

Lance struggled to remember the basic medical training he, along with all the other cadets at the garrison had been given- but they'd never covered anything this severe. He knew what to do for burns and gashes, even how to splint a bone- but this was outside his range of knowledge and a terrified part of his mind whispered it was because there was nothing he could do.

He couldn't save him.

But if Keith couldn't breath on his back and the chest plate was curling into his left side then moving him to his left would maybe allow his right lung to function better? If it wasn't collapsed already. Lance was grasping at straws.

He rolled Keith onto his side gently, cradling the red paladin's head in his lap as he tried to control the relentless shaking in his hands that was brought on by each muffled cry from the usually stoic boy.

Once Keith was securely turned and Lance could keep one hand pressed into his abdomen he fumbled for Keith's helmet, struggling to pull it onto his own head, panic lacing his words as he nearly screamed into the receiver.

"Shiro!! Anyone! I need help, I don't know what to do! Keith is- Keith is gonna _die_ if you can't get to us!"

There was no answer forth coming and Lance knew either the helmet was more damaged than it looked- or they were out of range. But the castle had been right there! The lions should still be docked on the outside of the battle cruiser! But, it was quiet. No tell tale sound of blaster fire, no warping metal, nothing.

So he'd been right, the galra ship had wormholed. They were alone.

Lance ripped the helmet off his head and set it down, focusing instead on the raspy, tired breaths Keith was sawing in and out of his chest. At least he was moving air.

"Lance?" He name was barely above a whisper, one of Keith hands floundering blindly and Lance grabbed it and gripped it tightly, ignoring the sticky moisture between his fingers.

"I'm right here, Keith. Don't talk, just- just don't give up."

Another bone rattling cough shook through the red paladin, followed by the wet gurgle of more blood threatening to bubble over.

"Not...Giving...Up." Short, damp breaths in-between words. He gripped Lance's hand like a lifeline. "The others?"

"They're coming!" Lance lied, glancing to the unresponsive helmet and hoping Keith was too out of it to see the hopelessness in his eyes.

"The galra?" Keith's eyes found his, pain and worry clouding the violet shards and making his eyes look gray.

"We're in an air lock, we're safe for now." Lance squeezed Keith's hand as the other's grip loosened.

"Are you. Okay?" Keith's eyes slid up to Lance's as a shudder passed over him.

"I-yeah, man, I'm okay." He _wasn't_ but Keith didn't need to know that.

Lance saw the way his eyebrows drew together, a wave of pain clouding over his eyes. "I'm not."

Lance tipped his head back onto the wall, letting the metal ground him when he felt the room wobble. "I know, dumbass, why do think I carried you?"

Keith didn't answer him at first and Lance blinked down.

"J-Jerk." He let out a wet rattle that may have tried to be a huff of laughter but broke off into a cough.

"Can you breathe okay?" Lance questioned when Keith had stopped coughing.

"No." He squeezed Lance's hand, it seemed like the only part of himself he could move.

Lance shifted him up a little closer, tucked up between his legs until Keith's cheek rested against his upper belly. "Better?"

Keith's lips were twisted into a grimace and a tiny whimper bit past his teeth but he nodded a little. "Y-yeah."

Lance adjusted his pressure on Keith's wound, pressing down more firmly even as a sharp inhale ghosted down Keith's throat.

"I'm sorry! I know it hurts, but you can't lose anymore blood." Lance swallowed thickly; Keith had lost so much just in the time it took to hide and Lance was terrified, when did _a lot_ of blood, become _too much_?

The others had to come, they had to find them! Distantly he felt a hum in his head, it might have been the concussion, it definitely wasn't Blue but maybe it was Red? That lion always seemed to know when her paladin was in trouble.

"I can't. Feel my legs." His voice was soft and low, grip loosening even as Lance clung to it desperately, lacing their fingers together more securely.

"Hey, hey, you're gonna be okay. I promise I'm gonna get you out of here, just- just keep breathing for me okay?"

Lance felt him try to squeeze back, the attempt painfully weak. Keith's eyes, which had been closed, opened and Lance was incarcerated in their depths. Gray-blue galaxies that were shadowed with a pain so deep Lance felt his throat close up, he'd do anything to take that pain away.

"M' scared." Keith whispered, a hitching tremble in his throat.

Lance wanted to keep up his bravado, to bolster Keith up and keep him from slipping under the rising tide, but Lance was already drowning himself and a drowning man cannot save another.

Lance pressed his forehead to Keith's, tears slipping unrestrained down his cheeks. "Me too, Keith. _Me too_."

Ice settled into Lance's veins when he felt the little hiccuping sobs struggle out of Keith's chest, each one more wet and desperate than the last. "I don't...wanna die."

Lance couldn't force words out of his mouth, didn't know what to say as Keith's shoulders shook softly. He settled for hugging Keith closer, pressing his nose to Keith's hair and breathing him in. It should have been gross, they were both covered in blood and dirt and sweat but Lance couldn't bring himself to care.

A few aching minutes passed like that, with nothing but their throbbing heartbeats and the almost tangible distance of galaxies between them and the rest of the team.

"C-cold.." Keith whispered.

_He's not going to last much longer._

Lance came to this realization with a heavy swallow and a quiet sob, almost missing when Keith's thumb moved softly against his own.

"Lie to me? _Please?_ " The request came on the heels of a terrible shudder and Lance couldn't deny the dying boy in his arms anything.

So he cleared his throat and he lied.

"You're going to be fine, I can see the castle." _There's nothing out there but stars._

"We're gonna get you to a pod and all of the pain will go away." _Soon. The pain will stop soon._

"It's all going to be okay, I promise." _Nothing is okay._

Lance switched their laced hands for his free one on top of the wound, so after wiping it mostly clean he could card gently through Keith's hair. It was soothing for him and he hoped Keith took a small bit of comfort in it as well. The small, murmured sound of his name was enough to prod him on.

"After all this I'm going to take you home with me, you're going to love my Mom's cooking! Oh, and she'll be so ecstatic to see us that she'll cook this huge meal- she makes the best papas rellenas, they're these little stuffed potato balls and empanadas that'll make your mouth water, of course we'll make tacos- oh, and you can fight over strawberry shortcake with my cousins, you might be handy enough with a knife to get cake away from those goblins." _A quiet hum of acknowledgement._

"Then we can slip away and I'll take you to the boardwalk, it's old and creaky but even the wood smells like the ocean and we can eat ice cream -my favorite is cookie dough- and then we'll go swimming and watch the sunset and lay in the sand until the stars come out."

Lance knew he was rambling by this point but he was terrified to look down, to acknowledge the stillness that had settled into Keith's body even as he continued to pull one hand comfortingly through Keith's hair.

"You're going to be okay." The words choked out of him along with the tears, the hot pounding of his heart nearly drowning out the sound of metal boots on the other side of the door.

Lance's eyes flicked down quickly, enough to catch the subtle rise and fall of Keith's chest, still fighting, still alive but his eyes were shut. Lance didn't think he was conscious anymore.

The sudden echoing sound of something heavy banging against the airlock door dragged his eyes away and Lance was met with a dozen sentries that had caught sight of them inside the airlock.

His eyes tilted to look at his bayard lying beside him but he made no move for it; if that many got in, they'd swamp the two paladins. Lance was a good shot, fantastic even, but he knew they're were screwed without cover- and the airlock was bare. They were sitting ducks.

Hope was a slowly dying flame in his chest and winter had come, icy winds and frozen snow making it sizzle and sputter until Lance was sure it was about to extinguish.

There was nowhere to go. Nowhere to hide. Nowhere except-

The airlock shuddered then, the sentries were slowly using plasma beams to cut through the hulking metal door, it wouldn't hold for much more than a few dobashes.

Lance needed more time, he needed a chance to think of a better plan, a plan that involved both of them surviving this. But unlike a timed escape on a video game, Lance couldn't start over if he didn't make it the first time, couldn't pause the game and google how to win the round. This was space, this was real and they were _dying._

Lance's eyes found the airlock release button. The only place to go was out, into the vacuum of space, into the airless void. They both still had their armor on, the problem was-

They only had one helmet.

The nudging push in his mind was stronger, but so was his headache and the pressure in his stomach so Lance couldn't tell where it was originating from- he really hoped it was a lion.

Keith mumbled pitifully in his lap and Lance realized he'd paused playing with his hair, too distracted with whirling thoughts.

Lance was injured but he had some time left. Keith had- minutes at best. Lance didn't know how long he could survive the effects of space exposure but Keith didn't have a shot in the dark. Lance had the best chance at surviving this whole thing, but the thought of putting the red paladin's helmet on his own head and knowing Keith would slip away almost instantly, knowing he'd feel the life drain out of him, feel the pulse under his skin halt and he'd be left drifting in space holding onto his lifeless friend -because like hell he'd just let him go- for an unknowable amount of time until he either succumbed to his own injuries or someone found him-

-His mind was firmly made up.

He settled the helmet back onto Keith head, fumbling with the seal for a moment before it pressurized. Keith's eyes opened from the movement, questioning and hazy through the visor and blood loss.

"Lance?"

Lance just smiled at him, tight with fear and determination. "You're not going to die here."

He wouldn't be able to live with himself if he hadn't done everything in his power to bring Keith home, to lose the raging fire of Voltron, to lose the teasing, the challenge, the undeniable ache in his bones that wanted to be closer to the awkward, grumpy boy.

"We're going home." He murmured, lacing their fingers together again as he fought to keep the terrified tremble out of his voice.

He couldn't stop the tears though, they ran unbidden down his cheeks and he bit his lip to try to swallow them.

Lance clutched Keith tighter, memorizing the weight and shape of the boy in his arms. He looked so much younger than his short nineteen years. Lance was reminded they were all too young for this, too young to be fighting in a war none of them had any knowledge of a year ago- too young to die for it.

Lance pressed his forehead to Keith's visor, half so he could look into his eyes, half so Keith couldn't see him reaching for the airlock release.

Keith's eyes were only half open, exhausted and dull, the sharp agony had leaked out of them. It wasn't a good sign, but Lance found himself glad the pain had eased- it would all be over soon anyway.

Lance shut his eyes tight and exhaled all the air he could so unprotected space exposure wouldn't rupture his lungs within the first few seconds.

"I'm so sorry, Keith." He muttered, gripping them together as tightly as he could.

Lance hit the button

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I may have carved out my own heart while writing this. I definitely cried a couple times. 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed it, though that may not be the right word to use? I hope it brought you emotions? Yeah, that sounds better. 
> 
> I'm working on the second chapter now, but currently don't have a set time to update. I like to build the suspense :D
> 
> If you like this, please drop me kudos or a comment, I'll respond to all of them!
> 
> Thanks so much for taking the time to read! If you notice any grammar errors or weird sentences feel free to let me know!


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone, big apologies that this took so long- I said it in a comment but I'll say it here too. I had a computer malfunction that deleted everything I had for this story...and dozens more. Years of work. It was a really hard hit on my heart, I didn't even want to look at writing for a while. But! I got some really kind comments that helped me get some motivation back and I knew I wasn't giving up so I re-wrote everything and I'm finally back to where I want to be! 
> 
> That being said, this story really ran away without me and took a direction I wasn't expecting when I first started stringing sentences together. Ha, stories are like to do that. I'll need to add some more tags at some point, still getting the hang of how this site works! Oh, and for anyone wondering this kinda takes place out of timeline, no lion swap, Shiro is our Shiro and Keith doesn't go to the blade. But they've still been paladins for around a year. Eh, just go with it ;)
> 
> Anyway, here's the second chapter! Enjoy it or, you know, feel it? :)
> 
> 6/17 edit: Just fixed some typos and some weird wording. Also fixed Pidge's eye color, whoops. She's the green paladin, I just assumed they were green and meant to go back to check. That's what I get for assuming xD

 

There is always chaos in the midst of battle. The blinding heat of laser fire, the horrible sound of ships being rent in half followed by a boom so deep it shudders in your soul.

Red has heard it all a thousand times, and will likely hear it a thousand more.

But this time, it's not the snarling scream of fighter jets, the whine of metal twisting into unrecognizable shapes or the scalding heat of nebulas lit up with explosions that shakes her battle seasoned calm.

It's the silence.

-

Red can barely register the loss of metal under her claws, the ship she'd been docked on jumping into hyper speed and leaving her tumbling pilot-less through space.

A few of her sensors were beeping, thrusters hissing as she began to stabilize herself.

But it wasn't the inversion of space and stars spinning around her that had her scrambling- no, it was the blaring panic that bounced like a marble in a tin can around her head.

_Where is my paladin! He's gone! He's not here anymore! I cannot feel him! Where did they take him? I must find him! Fear! Fear in the connection! Did you feel the fear just before he vanished?! Where is he!_

**Hush!**

Red snarled, molten star cores and collapsing nebula in her tone but Blue spit frigid ice crystals and ocean spray right back, tensions too high to allow for pleasant conversations.

**Calm yourself, losing your head will not help you find your blue child.**

_Your paladin is gone as well, do not dare to council me!_

Red may have lashed back at the panicked blue lion if not for their leader's command.

**_Enough!_ **

Black's voice was a starless void, the pressure of a black hole that even light bows to, but Blue would not be cowed. She may be considered the most friendly of the Lions but she was fierce as a hailstorm, you did not hurt her paladin, her cub.

_The other paladins cannot do this alone- they will need guidance._

The black lion pressed against the innate link, a thrumming purr coupled with crickets chirping, soft blue moonlight and the embers of a fire. It was comfort, calmness and Red felt herself relax a little, purring back weakly.

**_Time is short, we work together or risk losing the ability to serve the purpose we were created for._ **

Red felt the seeping distress still leaking through Blue's forced calm and gave her a mental head bump, an apology and show of solidarity combined.

**Calm, I know how to get them back.**

  
-

 

The bridge was chaos.

Shiro paused in the doorway, feeling much like he'd just stepped off one battlefield and into another.

"We don't have time for this! Every second we waste they're getting farther away!" Pidge was yelling, brown eyes wide and fingers shaking where they were curled into her palms.

"I'm aware of that!" Allura snapped back. "What do you want me to do? Pop into every system within three quadrants of here? Do you know how many stars that is? How much time it'd take?" Allura's arms were folded but Shiro could tell the edge in her voice was sharpened by fear.

"At least then we'd be _doing_ something!" Pidge bit out and Shiro stepped between them.

"Alright, that's enough." He gripped Pidge's shoulder and looked at Allura. "Princess, what are our options? Can we track them?"

"The paladin suits do put out a tracking signal," Allura began, anger dropping from her features as she worried her bottom lip between her teeth.

"But, it doesn't transfer across systems, it's not meant to communicate over that kind of distance." Coran finished for her, tapping the holo screen where Keith and Lance's info panels were blank.

"The ship couldn't have gotten too far, there was an explosion right before the jump, so it must be damaged, right?" Hunk edged in, eyes looking between Shiro and Allura for agreement.

"Exactly! That why we should start looking!" Pidge started up but Allura cut her off.

"You'd need more than a dozen alteans for that many jumps! I'm not a limitless power supply, I can't-"

"I'm not asking for that! Just a couple jumps at a time while we figure something else out- anything other than standing here doing _nothing_!"

"Maybe if you'd stop yelling at me-!"

"Stop arguing!" Shiro barked and the two girls fell silent, all eyes on him and Shiro felt the pressure of leadership curl heavily around his shoulders. "This isn't helping, were a team and we make decisions as one."

Pidge looked down guiltily, trying to hide the twist in her lips that looked too close to a breakdown.

"Shiro, I'm sorry." Allura muttered, gaze bouncing off of his quickly while she took a calming breath.

"It's okay, now we just ha-" He started before black spots danced in his vision. Shiro blinked but they didn't dispel as a purr rumbled in his ears and a warm thrum of energy brushed against his mind.

"Shiro?" Hunk called softly when it didn't look like he'd finish his sentence.

"It's Black, he's calling me."

-

 

  
Shiro sat in the black lion's cockpit, willing his shoulders to loosen and his breath to even out. He opened his mind to the black lion, letting the overwhelming presence of the night sky blink behind his eyelids. A soft rumble of affection brushed against his mind, comfort and assurance blooming through his thoughts.

**_Breathe_ **

Black's presence in his mind was dark spots of ink bleeding through paper, the reflection of a storm on water, the sound of a heart beating from the inside.

All was still. Quiet. Until-

Shiro could feel the exact moment the red lion touched his mind- exploding stars and all consuming forest fires pressing into his head, pouring in along side the smell of smoke and sulphur. He inhaled sharply at the wild, raw intensity of it and Red reigned herself in quickly, becoming a candle flame and morning dawn.

Her apology was swift and sure, moving against his mind with an eagerness edged with impatience.

He could sense that she was using him as a conduit, the fastest way to getting her paladin back and what she'd showed him was only a small taste of what she and Keith had. A blinding supernova of protectiveness burst behind his eyes at the thought and was followed quickly by a growl.

**Search, child**

Shiro flinched as the red lion ghosted against him, her pressing intent suddenly clear as summer sunshine.

**This way**

Shiro could suddenly _see._  Galaxies wheeled by, stars exploding and collapsing, life blooming into existence and snuffing out like smoke, creation and destruction- two sides of the same coin. The infinite knowledge of a starship created from a comet, a sentient life thrumming through the metal wires and workings.

Red knew where to go, he merely had to follow- and follow he did.

Three star systems away, smoke pouring from its starboard hull sat the damaged cruiser.

Shiro's eyes snapped open. "Pidge! Ten degrees north of where we're facing now, it's in the-" He faltered, brain still coming back from tangling so closely with a different lion.

**Slevnokri**

Red pressed the word into his mind before retracting completely from his thoughts.

"Slevnokri system. It's not far!" He said.

"I'm all over it, calculating coordinates now- give me just a tic."

Shiro felt every heartbeat throb through his chest. Each one felt like one too many, time pressing in to suffocate him. One-one thousand, two-one thousand, three-one thousand, four-

"Pidge?"

"Done! Allura, make the jump!"

Black's hull shuddered, the familiar sensation of traveling much too fast in far too short a time seeping into Shiro's veins. Black nosed at him gently, wrapping protectively around his mind and Shiro was grateful for the support.

"Thanks, Black. Now let's bring them home!"

The castle shuddered to a stop and Shiro gunned Black out of the hanger and into open space. The blur of stars and nebula and the smoking battle cruiser swung onto his screens. They were here, it had worked!

"I have readings!" Pidge suddenly yelled, Shiro's ear filled with the sound of her fingers tapping relentlessly on the scanners, but her soft inhale over the comm wasn't lost on him.

"Pidge?"

"They're.. not good." Her voice was alarmingly tight. "Shiro, both their vitals are dangerously low, we need to get them out no-"

Her voice cut off at the same moment Shiro's screen popped up with his movement tracker, an airlock had opened and two figures were instantly sucked out into open space.

"Shiro, that's them!" Hunk cried, Yellow's bulk already moving forward but Red shot out of the hanger and past them, all thrusters glowing brighter than the star soaked nebula around her. She was the fastest lion, if anyone could get to them in time- it was her.

"Shit..shit! Lance's vitals are dropping ridiculously fast, oxygen levels bottoming out, heart rate stuttering. This is crazy, that shouldn't happen unless.."

Black shot after Red, laying down cover fire with Yellow and occupying the handful of fighters that were responding to the oncoming threat. Shiro jerked the controls up to avoid a plasma beam before ripping the fighter in half.

"Unless what, Pidge?" He demanded, fingers white on his controls.

The silence in his comm dragged on, making his skin prickle as another fighter was destroyed in a flash of fire and smoke.

"He doesn't have his helmet on." She said, abject horror in her tone.

"Lance! Keith! Come on guys, answer me!" Hunk tried to hail them, but neither paladin opened a connection. Shiro didn't want to think about why, couldn't entertain the thought.

Unprotected space was survivable. But the longer someone was exposed, the faster the decline into irreparable damage was. They were running out of time much too quickly.

"How long has it been?" Shiro pressed, spinning out of the way of three fighters and sending two crashing into each other. Red was nearly there- mouth already open and ready to scoop them up. They could do this.

"Almost two minutes." Pidge whispered, the awful tremble in her voice impossible to miss.

Two minutes was pushing it. But they were in an amazingly advanced alien castle-ship! Shiro dragged hope close to his chest, refusing to let it go.

Black roared when a fighter clipped too close, heat scalding through their link. "Sorry, Black." He muttered, spinning them around to take the ship out.

"Almost there, almost there- come on Red!" Pidge was whispering into the comm, voice breathy.

Yellow roared, snagging the tail of a fight that had been lining up a shot at the red lion, swinging it around and Black sliced it in half.

Sparking parts pattered harmlessly off Black's face, the number of ships drastically declining as the two lions cut through them.

Shiro grit his teeth, how long had it been now? Each second felt like sand in an hour glass, slowly burying them alive.

A fighter got a few lucky shots off on Black's neck, making the cockpit shudder violently before Shiro gunned it into a nosedive of avoidance. They spun out of it and plasma blasted the jet into fiery shrapnel.

But he'd lost track of Red, where was she? Had she made it?

"Red's got them." Hunk shouted, barreling into a fighter before sliding up to Black's left side.

"Cover her with everything you have!" Shiro yelled, swinging in behind the red lion as she shot back to the castle. "We need to get out of here- now!"

Pidge was on the comm immediately. "Allura's already preparing for a jump, just get in your docks!"

"You got it!" Hunk said, pushing to keep up with the faster lions and coving their retreat.

They were halfway back, the glowing outer hull of the castle a welcoming beacon in the dazzling expanse of space.

They just needed to get inside. Inside where there was air. And pressure. All things Lance had been without.

"Wait! Lance has been in a vacuum, we can't just bring him into a pressurized environment!" Shiro said, running through options on his head and coming up short.

"But we don't have a choice?" Hunk's voice wobbled uncertainty in his ear.

"We're risking massive decompression sickness, he could die!" Shiro continued.

Pidge's face popped up on his screen, desperation and fear warring in her eyes.

"He's already dying, Shiro. The pod is his only hope." She said the words bitterly, like they stung on the way out and Shiro understood. Whatever the repercussions, time was of the essence.

Shiro switched his comm link. "Coran? Got those pods ready?"

"Ready and waiting." His voice was tenser than Shiro had ever heard it.

The castle opened to receive him and Shiro was out of his chair before Black had fully set down in the hanger, boots thundering down the ramp and carrying him out of the lion.

Red's hanger was next to his and he nearly smashed through the unlock button in his haste to get there faster. He felt the castle quake, Allura had opened a wormhole.

Red's massive body was crouched low and mouth open, Pidge was already there and Hunk had just swung into the hall, racing up behind him.

"Shiro, _help!_ " Pidge was sucking in great heaving breaths, tears already sliding past her glasses. Shiro couldn't run fast enough, coming to a halting stop in front of Red and struggling to comprehend what he was seeing.

Pidge was trying to pick Lance up in her arms, but he dangled woodenly in her grip. Shiro quickly took the blue paladin from her, lifting him easily as Hunk caught up, Lance's name dying on his lips. "Hurry, we don't have long!" Shiro bit out as Hunk bent to carry Keith-  _Keith_ , with the ugly twisted metal of his breastplate shoved into his chest and streams of blood coating his armor- some dark and drying, some fresh and spilling onto the floor.

Shiro turned and ran back the way he'd come before glancing down to the paladin in his own arms- Lance's face was far too gray, ice crystals crusted in his eyelashes and skin cold to the touch. Was he breathing? Was his heart beating? Shiro couldn't stop to check.

"Oh, _God_." He whispered brokenly, fighting to keep the prickly nip of tears from spilling over.

Shiro didn't believe in God, had seen too much out here to believe the fairytale from earth. But as he raced down the corridors to the medbay, feeling how limp and heavy - _so heavy_ \- Lance was in his arms, he prayed. Prayed to anyone who might be listening, to not let them die.

Please don't let them die.

  
Allura met them in the infirmary, rushing up beside Shiro and started pulling at Lance's arm bracers.  
  
"Get their armor off, hurry!" She said as clammy hands slipped over smooth reinforced metal, tugging at clasps and undoing buckles, leaving only the flightsuit.

Pidge was helping Hunk strip Keith when Shiro heard the startled choke, drawing his gaze up as ice flooded his veins. Keith's abdomen was a dark mess of blood, torn flesh and blackened edges. Was he-? Could he even-?

"I-I can't get it off!" Hunk was crying, blood slicked hands shaking above the warped chest plate as more red pooled around the edges now that the injury had been aggravated.

"Pidge, help Allura!" Shiro commanded as they traded places and he revved up has galra arm, the purple glow looking angry and wrong where it collected on Keith's skin.

Carefully, so carefully, Shiro sliced through the armor, peeling it back until just what was in his chest remained.

Shiro clasped his metal fingers tightly around the chunk of armor and glanced up to find Hunk already staring, a tight nod doing nothing to hide the fear in his eyes.

Shiro yanked the metal free, stomach roiling painfully when blood surged up, pouring out of the wound.

"Get him in the pod!" He choked, turning back to find all of Lance's armor off now, he looked so small in nothing but the thin black suit.

Hunk was sliding Keith into one pod at the same moment Shiro secured the safety belt around Lance's hips, the one that kept him from tumbling out as soon as Shiro let go to close the glass door.

A small measure of relief bubbled up in his chest as both pods hissed shut, locking down and flooding the chambers with advanced healing technology. At least behind the blue-green tinted glass, he couldn't see the awful pallor of their skin. Could believe that everything was okay, just a few scrapes and bruises and they'd be out in a couple vargas.

Maybe he did believe in fairytales.

The medbay was tense and still, no one moved, no one spoke. Just the push and pull of lungs struggling to calm, Pidge trying to sniffle discreetly and a persistent beeping sound. Shiro didn't meet anyone's gaze until he caught his own in the glass of the cryopod, the heavy weight of failure making itself comfortable on his shoulders.

What could he have done different?

Something. _Anything._  His mind whispered painfully.

He'd already lost two friends to the galra. Now he might lose two more.

Shiro's fingers curled into his palm, the tingling pain a welcome flush of sensation. Anything to keep his focus off the spatter of red that stained the floor and the front of Hunk's shirt. The thick red smears on his metal fingers. The drying stickiness on his own armor that he wasn't sure was Lance's or more of Keith's. The memory of how empty- how _lifeless_ Lance had felt in his arms.

He couldn't do this.

_beep_

 

It hadn't really sunk in before- that every time they went on a mission this was a possible outcome.

_beep_

 

He'd known that -of course- they were at war and war demanded sacrifice.

_beep_

 

In war, life was cheap.

_beep_

 

But they were different, they weren't soldiers.

_beep_

 

They were defenders of the universe.

_beep_

 

Friends.

_beep_

 

Family.

_beep_

 

He was the leader, his choices, his orders sent them into battle- and if either of them - _both of them_ \- didn't make it-?

_beep_

 

_beep_

  
_beep_

 

The incessant beeping was what finally broke through his inner turmoil. It prattled on and on, staccato and sharp in the heavy silence until he couldn't ignore it anymore.

He blinked and located the source. It was coming from Lance's cryopod.

"What _is_ that?" He asked, turning around to face everyone.

Coran glanced down at the readouts, bushy eyebrows drawn low over his eyes and a deep hurt twisting his features. He opened his mouth to speak and paused, a soft cough tightening his throat before he tried again.

"The pod is still searching for a heartbeat."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here I promised a friend I wouldn't leave off on another cliffhanger, whoops! My hand slipped. 
> 
> Well, at least they're back in the castle? That counts for something right? Right? Please don't hurt me -covers head-
> 
> Hopefully the wait will be much shorter this time, chapter three is mostly done and I've been relentlessly saving files if I add even 100 words to it. 
> 
> Please let me know if there are any grammar mistakes or weird sentences, I've read through this a thousand times and it's blurring together. 
> 
> Drop a kudos if you liked it! Leave a comment if you reaallly liked it and to fill my heart with the fires of motivation! Or just to scream at me, key smashing works too!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank my friends for nagging me to finish this chapter- it's almost as long as both the other chapters combined so hopefully that helps make up for it?
> 
> -Drops the chapter and runs- 
> 
> Heed the new tags!
> 
> I've been staring at this for too long, let me know if there are any glaring errors or strange sentences, thanks and enjoy!

 

 

 

When Keith opened his eyes it was to the familiar walls of the medbay. The frosty fingers of the cryopod still clung to his skin like spider silk as he took a stumbled step forward and promptly collapsed into a warm body.

"Easy there, you're okay." The voice was familiar and Keith leaned into Shiro's chest, chasing the warmth he brought as a shiver scuttled over his flesh.

"Shiro?" He rasped out, blinking quickly to orient himself in the room. Some of lights were dimmed, the castle in night cycle mode and Keith was glad of that as his eyes worked to adjust.

Keith couldn't remember what he'd done to land himself in the pod this time, his immediate memory was a fuzzy blur that ached behind his eyes the longer he tried to recall it.

"It's good to have you back, Keith." Shiro's arms came up to circle around his back, words ghosting against his ear, and that close Keith could hear Shiro's voice wobble over his name. That wasn't normal for a short stint in a healing pod.

Keith embraced the hug for a heartbeat then pushed Shiro back, eyes searching for the reason behind his friend's actions.

Shiro looked exhausted. Dark shadows bloomed like bruises under his eyes and a bone deep weariness draped over him like a second skin. He looked older, edges ragged and torn. He smiled gently under the scrutiny anyway.

"What happened?" Keith asked, voice croaking slightly and he coughed to clear it.

The warmth melted away and left cutting uncertainty in those gray eyes. Shiro opened his mouth to answer, shut it, then tried again. "You don't remember?"

Keith sifted through his memories, struggling to bring up the most recent but it was like trying to catch fog, the harder he tried, the faster it danced away.

"I remember... ?"

He started with what he did remember- the mission.

_He and Lance were on the cargo deck. The galra were trying to swamp them but they were cleaning up pretty well- they did make a good team after all._

Keith's head began to throb and he lifted a hand to his forehead as memories began to fizz behind his eyes like a shaken soda can.

_The ship had lurched. Cold panic had rushed down his spine when all communication cut out and he was left shouting into an unresponsive helmet._

Was the room getting hotter? Keith couldn't quite seem to get enough oxygen, it was making his chest hurt. He gripped the front of his flight suit, feeling the torn fabric under his fingers. Why was it torn?

_He'd tried to call out to Lance, tell him they needed to get off the ship but..._

There was something else, Keith could feel it tickling at his temple- something that he was forgetting. It dripped off the tips of his fingers like water but redder, more like...

_He'd seen the little blinking light too late. The ship erupted into white hot flames._

Keith couldn't stop the sharp inhale from tearing down his throat, fingers clutching at his chest as phantom pain spiderwebbed through him and he struggled to keep standing.

"Keith!"

Shiro's voice sounded too far away, drowned out by the ringing in his ears and the force of the memories that were eager to press themselves back into his head, to drag him down and fill his lungs with the pressure of collapsing stars.

_Blood. There'd been so much blood._

 

He'd been hurt.

_It's crushed into you, I can't get it off!_

  
Lance was there.

_I'm right here, buddy._

  
They were alone.

_Shiro!! Anyone! I need help,_

  
He was scared.

_Me too, Keith._

  
He was dying.

_Just keep breathing for me okay?_

  
Lance was trying to save him.

_You're not going to die here._

  
Lance was going to fail.

_All the pain will go away._

  
Lance was.. putting the helmet on his head?

_We're going home._

  
Lance hit the airlock release.

_I'm so sorry,_

  
Keith couldn't bring up anything past that.

  
"Where's Lance!?" His voice rasped painfully up his throat, pushing away from Shiro even as the older man tried to catch him. He didn't know where he was going but he had to _move_. Wild energy buzzed under his skin with the fierce need to find Lance, find that idiot and maybe punch him, maybe hug him. Keith wasn't sure yet.

The medbay door hissed open, Pidge and Hunk rushing forward immediately with Coran following close behind.

"Keith!"

"You're awake!"

Keith ignored them. "Where is he!"

The room tilted a little, balance still not recalibrated and he staggered, hands slipping haphazardly off the cryopod before strong arms were pinning him back against a broad chest. The hot flush of skin on skin felt like sandpaper, like he was rubbed raw at every point of contact. An exposed nerve that throbbed with every heartbeat.

"Let me go!" He shouted, twisting in Shiro's grasp.

"You need to calm down!" Shiro's voice grunted in his ear while he struggled but Keith still noticed the stark lack of another healing pod, the sudden knowledge that it left two options sat like a stone in his gut- ugly and nauseous.

"Like hell I do! Tell me where he is! Where is he?!"

Keith searched from one familiar face to the next, unwilling to accept the various painful emotions that cycled like a zoetrope in their eyes.

"Guys?" Keith said, voice losing some of its bite. His limbs were heavy, he was getting too tired, too quickly but surely- surely the silence didn't mean- _couldn't_ mean what he thought.

Pidge had started crying, her small shoulders shaking and Keith swallowed hard.

It wasn't true. He wouldn't accept it.

"Shiro," Keith said, limbs stilling, no longer fighting the tight hold. "Shiro, tell me. Please."

His voice broke on the last word and the mounting silence made the roar of blood in his ears more apparent.

"Keith." Hunk's voice was soft and watery and Keith felt all his energy from moments before slip away as he tried to save himself from drowning in the tear brimmed brown eyes of Lance's best friend.

"No." Keith choked on the word. "No, Hunk, no." Shiro let him slide to the cold medbay floor, bones and tendons unwilling to hold him up any longer.

The room lost definition. Keith was being pulled under a growing tide of dark water and it sealed over his head without a sound.

"Keith!" Hunk's hand touched his shoulder, giving it a small shake. "Keith, Lance is alive."

An air bubble.

Keith looked up quickly, trying the decipher the shifting emotions in the yellow paladin's eyes. The unspoken 'but' hung heavy in the air.

"Then why isn't he here? What aren't you telling me?" He asked, unsure if he could handle the answer.

Hunk rubbed roughly at the twin tear tracks that leaked down his chin, eyes darting away and back again.

"He's- he's not- I don't-" Hunk started but bit his lip, failing to keep it from wobbling as he looked up at the castle ceiling like that would hold a better answer.

"He's in a coma." Pidge cut in, wiping her nose quickly and fisting her hands in her shirt. "Been that way since he came out of his pod."

Keith waited a moment for that to sink in, waiting for the crushing pressure to resume- but it didn't. That was better, right? Better then the alternative that his mind had so easily supplied. The future a more somber and dim place without the blue paladin. But something in the way each of his friends looked away and held varying levels of grief in their eyes told a different story.

"How long?" He asked, voice hoarse.

Coran took a step forward when no one answered right away. "Lance was in a pod for three days, his injuries- while severe, were far less grievous than yours."

Three days? That wasn't so bad.

"You've been in there for two weeks."

Oh.

So Lance has been in a coma for two weeks. That was, worse.

"How bad was he?"

Coran held his gaze for a moment, gauging if now was really the right time to answer that. Whatever resolve he saw in Keith's eyes must have been enough.

Coran sighed, rubbing at his temple. "The explosion ruptured some internal linings, caused a lot of bleeding. He also had a nasty concussion, but it was the exposure to open space that ... complicated things." Coran paused, eyes softening in sympathy as Keith felt himself pale. He was suddenly glad he was on the floor.

Open space. Lance was exposed to open space because Keith had the only functioning helmet and like a _dumbass_ , Lance let him keep it. Keith was barely conscious, he wouldn't have even noticed if Lance hadn't given it back! He shouldn't have given it back!

"As we all know," Coran continued, cutting into Keith's quickly swirling thoughts. "The brain can't function without oxygen and space's lack of pressure distorts all liquids in your body, causing rapid deterioration of life."

Keith knew all this, he'd taken the classes at the garrison. They all had.

At ten to fifteen seconds you lost consciousness.

At one minute brain and organ function started shutting down.

At one and a half minutes you risked permanent damage.

At two minutes all vitals have stopped. Death is eminent.

"How long was he exposed?"

"A little under three minutes."

Keith felt the floor drop out from beneath him and the room was spinning even though Keith hadn't moved, a tight rattle of breath getting stuck in his lungs.

This was why everyone looked so torn apart, so hopeless- they were already grieving.

They didn't expect Lance to wake up.

Keith's eyes stung and he blinked them quickly, trying to dispel the moisture before it became noticeable.

"Can I see him?" He asked, voice strangely soft.

Shiro stepped forward and laid a hand in his shoulder. "I don't know if-"

"I _want_ to see him." Keith reaffirmed, picking himself up off the floor and ducking out of Shiro's grip as Hunk reached out to steady him.

"It's okay, Shiro. I'll take him." Hunk murmured gently.

-

Hunk lead him down a hallway split off from the medbay and Keith followed behind- he'd never been down here before, had never needed to. Rows of doors opened into rooms that were monotonous and sterile, bed sheets folded and starch, awaiting patients that would likely never come. They made a turn and the rooms became more in depth, larger and with more equipment, a critical care part of the medical wing. The whole area wasn't very big but the fact it was here at all was unnerving.

"I always thought the healing pods would fix anything." Keith murmured and Hunk nodded without looking at him.

"The pods are the standard in healing technology now, or- I guess ten thousand years ago ..but this part of the castle was built while they were still in testing and the pods were added in later. Coran said the hospital rooms weren't decommissioned since there're only eight pods on the ship and the castle is designed to support a large number of people in emergency situations."

Right. Because the castle was a warship. It was easy to forget sometimes when it was also what Keith had come to call home.

They paused outside a door, the only one in use and Hunk caught his shoulder, bringing him to a stop before he could reach for the sensor.

"Keith. I just wanna make sure you think you can handle this- it's different for everyone but," Hunk struggled for what to say for a moment, fingers gripping a little tighter. "It's hard seeing someone you care about like this, I just don't want you to wig out again."

Right.

Because Keith had nearly lost it not even ten minutes ago.

He just wanted to see Lance. His memories were cloudy, superimposed over phantom pain and disassociation. He couldn't remember being outside of the airlock, but it was there- lurking just past his consciousness, and it was ugly.

He _needed_ to see Lance alive for himself, see his chest moving, feel the steady pulse of life under his skin. No matter how delicate that life was.

"Thanks, Hunk- but I think I'll be okay."

The words didn't erase the worry in Hunk's eyes but it loosened and he let go.

Then door hissed open and Keith stumbled into Allura as she was coming out, her hands gripping his shoulders before he could trip backwards.

"Keith! You're awake!" Her voice was rough and a little scratchy but he found himself swept into a hug before he could process much else. "I'm so relived."

"Hey, Allura." He mumbled, but much as he appreciated the warm welcome he found himself trying to see over her shoulder and into the room.

She pulled back, holding him at arms length to scrutinize his face. "You gave us quite the scare, how are you feeling? Any headaches? Nausea? Weird tingles?"

Keith wanted to focus on what she was asking but he could make out a tuft of brown hair just over her shoulder and the click and whirr of various machines had his full attention.

"Allura?" Hunk said softly. "He's doing fine, can it wait?"

Her eyes widened and she dropped her hands. "Oh. Of course, you're here to see Lance." Her eyes dodged to the side and her expression crumpled. "I'll leave you be, but please come find me should you need anything."

She gave him a tight parting smile and moved out of the way, leaving Keith with an unobstructed view of the room and he was hit with a brutal wave of apprehension as a thick swallow got stuck in his throat and his fingers numbed with how tightly he was clenching them.

Hunk didn't push him in, didn't brush by Keith or guide him to move faster- let him take his steps as slowly as he needed while he eyes roved over the depth of what he was seeing.

The number of tubes and wires was jarring.

Keith's heart thudded thickly in his chest, throbbing against his ribs as he stepped closer, close enough to see Lance's flawless skin was murky, lacking its usual warmth and smoothness. Close enough to see the dark shadows that were spread like inky bruises under his eyes.

Close enough to know that even though he was hooked up to a number of machines- _So many machines_. Lance was balancing on an edge so fine that the smallest shift would tip him over.

Keith wasn't sure what he had expected but it wasn't this. It wasn't this hollow ache in the air, it wasn't the heavy press of sorrow that lurked in the corners of the room alongside the smell of sanitizer or the steady sounds of unfamiliar machines doing for a body what it should do on its own.

Keith's eyes flicked to the monitors.

One reported his heart rate and blood pressure but the numbers were in Altean and meant nothing to him. An IV was hooked up to his arm, slowly dripping fluid into his veins from a bag above his head that was a strange clear green color. It was safe for humans, right? The lower half of his face was covered by a mask and a tube disappeared down his throat, dictating when he took a breath, forcing his lungs to expand and contract. He wasn't even breathing on his own.

Keith felt lightheaded and he swallowed against a rolling curl of nausea but Hunk's steady presence was grounding and kept him moving forward. One step at a time until he was right beside the bed. Keith paused, he didn't know where to touch- where was safe and where he'd inadvertently knock something loose. He couldn't accidentally turn off the life support- right? He'd never been in this situation before, didn't know what to do or what to say- was there even anything _to_ say? All he knew was-

_It should have been me. Oh, god. It should have been me._

"Keith." Hunk said his name like he could hear the condemning thoughts repeating in his head. The yellow paladin was more astute then he gave him credit for sometimes and when he lifted his eyes to meet Hunk's he wished he couldn't see the volumes of forgiveness in those warm brown depths.

"He wouldn't regret it. You know that right?"

Keith couldn't keep up the eye contact. He examined the floor under his boots instead, unable to answer.

"Hey, I know it looks like a lot- and it is. But I know he's gonna pull through, he's never let me down before."

Keith wanted so badly to believe those words but he could hear the repeated script for what it was- words that had been said so many times they lost meaning. A comforting lie you told yourself because the truth was too painful to face.

"Can I have a minute?" _Alone_.

Hunk reached out to put a gentle hand on his shoulder, leaving it there for a moment before he answered. "Of course."

Keith waited until Hunk's boots stepped out of the room and he heard the door hiss shut before he let out the shaky breath he'd been holding and unfolded his arms.

He dragged a chair closer- wincing as it scraped against the floor and sat, still unsure where to put his hands. He settled for folding them around Lance's hand, squeezing tight. Like if he just put enough pressure into it then he could convince himself that Lance was squeezing back.

The silence that wasn't really quiet solidified around him and without the buffer of another person, Keith's guilt ran rampant in his head until he couldn't keep it from slipping past his teeth.

" _Why?_ "

The word felt too big in the room, his voice still rough from cryogenic sleep.

The steady beep of the heart monitor was an accusation, a bitter reminder that even though Keith could pretend that Lance was sleeping- the gentle rise and fall of his chest smooth and rhythmic, it was far from the truth.

"Why, Lance?" The words were wetter this time, a tremor in the vowels. He grit his teeth, trying to hold back the hot emotions, but they spilled through his cracks anyway.

"You're always doing stupid shit! Trying to be a damn hero and you never think about anyone else!"

A bone deep shudder ran down his back, the integrity of the wall he used to keep himself in check starting to crumble.

"Every time you put yourself in danger you don't stop to think about the consequences. You never think about how it makes us feel, how it makes _me_ feel!" Lance's face blurred in his vision and he wiped at the tears roughly with his arm. His dam was filled to bursting, spilling over the edges to keep from buckling under the pressure. "Dammit it all, Lance- I was the one dying! So why the hell didn't you save yourself?"

_Why?_

"You're always saying how much you hate getting stuck on missions with me, how much you hate my hair or my face and you're always so selfish about everything else, so why?" Fingers curled into his free hand, leaving marks in his palm. "Why weren't you selfish this time!?"

_Why did you save me?_

But Keith knew he was lying to himself. Lance didn't actually hate him. He'd figured that out a while ago but let Lance keep up their banter out of familiarity, out of routine. He knew that underneath the bravado and cheesy pick up lines, the ones Keith would never admit were sometimes pretty good- that if you peeled all that back you'd find a heart forged in the ocean tides, a spirit that was loyal and brave. He knew that the beautiful, blue eyed boy was anything, _everything_ , but selfish.  
  
And Keith had never hated that fact more.

"I'm sorry." He muttered, body trembling as he shut his eyes, failing to keep the room from spinning and his mind from caving in on itself.

_I'm sorry I couldn't do anything. That you had to make that choice alone._

Blame sat heavy in his chest, a gnawing pressure that tore into his heart and left a gaping wound almost as painful as the one he'd had the last time the two of them sat side by side.

"You have to wake up." _We need you_

"Lance, please." _I need you_

"I'm sorry."

_It's my fault_

"I'm so sorry."

_It's all my fault_

Keith didn't notice how quickly his breath was pulling into his lungs and how his heart kicked up speed- not until it roared in his ears, beating against his ribcage and suddenly his world spun onto its side- everything was too much and not enough at the same time.

A broken sob tore out of him- it felt like a knife had been slipped between his ribs, nerves trying to burst out from under his skin. Keith pressed his face down onto the mattress, hating how the room became fuzzy and white around the edges. How he couldn't get enough air even though he was dragging it into his lungs in great shuddering gasps. Not enough. Never enough.

 _I'm having an anxiety attack._ He thought distantly.

But just because he knew what was happening, didn't mean he could stop it. He felt like a hover bike flying downhill without a brake pedal, all he could do was coast it out and hope he didn't crash at the bottom.

His skin crawled, tingling along nerve endings that screamed with too much feeling and filled his mouth with cotton.

_Ground yourself in the moment. Try to pace your breaths. Find something you can see, something you can feel, something you can hear. It's just feeling, it can't hurt you._

The voice in his head was Shiro, the words from a long time ago when he'd found Keith shaking in his room, two days before the Kerberos mission.

It felt like a lifetime ago. Like it had happened to someone else.

But he tried to follow the advice anyway.

 _Breathe_. Controlling his breathing was out, the rapid breaths scraped his throat raw with every pass but he tried to slow them just a little. Tried to calm the hurricane in his lungs.

 _See_. He opened his eyes, ignoring how fuzzy his vision was and focused on the starchy white bed sheet, picking out each woven thread in the fabric.

 _Feel_. Lance's hand was warm in his and he shifted his grip, lacing their fingers together instead. Letting it ground him.

 _Hear_. Keith couldn't hear anything past the ringing in his ears and the beeping of the room. Neither were a sound he wanted to focus on but it didn't matter-

He could feel the exact moment the attack let go, the vice grip on his chest released and he took a ragged, shuddering breath- the first one that felt like he could actually breathe. They still came much too quickly and his head was spinning from the extra oxygen but it was finally winding down, becoming manageable. He was in control again.

It took seven minutes to calm his fuzzy senses. Seven minutes before he had the will to lift his head from the mattress and blink at the room.

Exhaustion draped over him as he shook, the full body shivers that always began after he had an attack were especially strong this time. He tried to ignore it, letting the feeling scuttle over his skin and rattle his bones with minimal resistance. It'd be half an hour before those would stop.

"Sorry I freaked out." He murmured, loosening his death grip on Lance's hand.

Terrible as it was to submit to the anxiety, he always felt better after the release of emotions. Exhausted and shaky, yes. But calmer, less like a firework with a lit fuse.

The soft sound of the door slipping open caught his attention. Hunk lingered in the doorway for a moment before coming forward.

He didn't mention Keith's red eyes or shivering limbs. He swung an arm around his shoulders and hugged him tight even though Keith made no move to return the gesture.

"Go," he said after releasing him. "Take a shower and get something to eat. Trust me, you'll feel better."

So Keith had.

He'd stripped out of his ruined flight suit and tossed it straight into the trash.

He'd stood in front of the bathroom mirror and looked at how much his body had changed in the two weeks he'd been under. A gap of time he would never remember but was cataloged by the way he was gaunter, had lost some muscle mass and his ribs poked out a little more. His body had been stressed to keep up with the rapid healing process, the pod only able do so much to help him keep up with demand. He'd have to work hard to gain back what was lost but that didn't bother him.

Then there were the scars.

Fingers prodded gently at the shiny, pink skin that curled over the left side of his chest. It didn't hurt but Keith could still feel the heat, the burn, the pressure of the breastplate lodged in his ribs. He let his hand trail down, thumbing over the messy cluster of scar tissue on his abdomen. He hadn't seen it when it was fresh, hadn't appreciated the extent of the damage when all he could focus on was the pain. Now he understood why Lance had tried so hard to put pressure on it- the scar was as big as his fist, sloppy at the edges and vaguely circular. He briefly wondered how many of his organs the pod had needed to repair.

He'd tried for a hot shower but the steam looked too much like smoke. So he'd dialed it down, standing in the falling water and scrubbing at his skin until it was red and aching- like he could wash away the mental damage as easily as the grime that swirled down the drain.

Once clean and dressed in a black shirt and loose pants he wandered to the kitchen, stomach reminding him that it hadn't had real food in far too long. He didn't expect anyone to be up at this hour but when he stepped through the doors a tawny brown head popped up from behind a computer screen, round eyes blinking at him.

Ah, he should have known.

Pidge's expression was unreadable as they stared at each other for a moment longer before she was jumping down from her chair and rushing towards him.

Before he could offer a word, Pidge had buried her face in his shoulder, arms coming up to clutch at his back as a deep shudder shook her small frame.

"I didn't get to say it earlier, but I'm so glad you're okay." Her voice cracked and Keith heard what she wasn't saying. _I'm glad I didn't lose another brother._

"Of course-"

"No! Not 'of course'. Do you know how close you were to being dead?" She cut in. "Even though you were healing and Shiro said you'd be ok I knew the odds of you waking up dropped with each day that went by." She sucked in a choppy breath. "We didn't even know if when you did wake up- if you'd ... still be you."

"I'm sorry for worrying you." He said, not quite sure what else to say.

She gripped tighter to his shirt. "It's not your fault, it's this stupid war, the stupid galra." Her breath hitched painfully. "Gods, I don't what I'd have done if I lost you both."

Keith rubbed up her back gently, he didn't have much experience in comforting people but he copied what he'd seen Lance do. What Lance had done for him.

"Hey, It's going to be okay." His voice sounded wet even to his own ears and Pidge finally choked out a sob.

"You didn't lose me, and you're not losing Lance."

Pidge squeezed him tighter, fingers curling into his shirt and he dropped his cheek to the top of her head, fully wrapping her up.

"He's gonna wake up, just like I did. I know it."

A shaky breath dragged into her lungs. "I just-I'm just so scared we were too late." She leaned back to look at him, her glasses were off and she looked so much younger, tears running down her flushed cheeks. "If I hadn't been arguing with Allura, if I'd just locked onto the coordinates a little faster. Even one minute could have made the difference!"

Her face crumpled, brown eyes sliding shut as more tears brimmed over. "I was _too late_."  
  
"Pidge, Pidge no." Keith rubbed away the tears with his thumb. "You can't think like that. Don't do that to yourself."

Keith knew blame. Knew it intimately well- how it fed on your insecurities and twisted your memories into something ugly and poisonous. He wished he could take it all, keep it away from the brilliantly bright girl in front of him but he saw the shadows under her eyes, felt the tremble in her bones. It had already made a place for itself inside her and he didn't have the power to drag it back out.

"Hey, Pidgey-" Keith used Lance's nickname for her and she blinked up at him, seeking assurances Keith so badly wanted to give her. "I know it's hard. I _know_ , okay?" His voice wobbled but he swallowed and kept going. "But we're not giving up. He wouldn't give up on us, right?" She nodded stiffly, a stuttering sob catching in her throat. "So were not giving up on him. He's gonna wake up, and we're all going to be here for him when he does."

He tugged her back to his chest and she went willingly, a few more sobs lost in the fabric of his shirt. "Don't give up." He mumbled again, not sure at that point which of them needed to hear it more.

-

After he'd grabbed some food goo and had a longer conversation with Pidge, Keith found himself drawn back to the medbay. The pull of needing to be there, to keep watch, _to keep vigil_ , running hot in his veins. He'd opened the door to find Shiro in the chair he'd claimed earlier, a tired but warm smile stretching over his lips when he noticed Keith.

"Hey." He murmured, standing.

Keith nodded his greeting, eyes sliding past Shiro's to sweep the monitors. Nothing had changed. An optimistic part of him had hoped that since he'd woken up, Lance would be close behind.

"Do you all stay in here a lot?" He asked to distract himself from the disappointment.

"We rotate out, taking time to sit with him when we can. It's not as often as some of us would like, but we try." Shiro answered, rubbing a hand at the back of his neck.

"His vitals are broadcasted to our data pads and if anything changes it sends out an alert."

Keith hadn't carried his data pad since the first week in the castle. He made a mental note to go fish it out of the drawer he'd tossed it in.

"Has anything ever changed?"

Shiro couldn't quite tuck his hurt away fast enough for Keith not to notice. "Not yet." His smile was brittle.

Keith drew in a stilled breath and leaned into Shiro, feeling familiar arms wrap around him instantly and holding on to the comfort he found in the warm embrace.

"You should sleep, its late." Shiro whispered against his hair.

Keith took a step back, already shaking his head. "I've been sleeping for two weeks, I don't want to shut my eyes." _I don't want to see the memories._

"I'm just gonna stay here, for a little while" Keith said, knowing it was a lie. He was going to wait here just like he had when Lance had been in the healing pod all those months ago. Forgoing everything else while he waited for the blue paladin to wake up.

Shiro gauged him carefully, far too much understanding in his gunmetal eyes. "Okay." He said simply and let his arm fall from Keith's shoulder as he stepped away. "Just comm me if you need anything and I'll be right over."

Keith couldn't help the thought that what he needed, Shiro couldn't give.

-

After three days Shiro came to kick him out of the medbay, stating that he was fresh out of a healing pod himself and needed to get some real rest. Apparently sleeping half in the chair and half on Lance's bed didn't count.

"He's not going to disappear as soon as you leave the room. I know it's difficult, but try to get some rest." Shiro had said.

Keith hadn't known how to explain the bitter taste of fear that tingled on his tongue, the ache in his bones that whispered anxious thoughts in his head. He was leery of the memories and nightmares that existed in his preferial vision, haunting his waking hours and turning his nights into twisting awful dreamscapes. But he didn't know how to express that. How did you admit you were jerked out of sleep multiple times a night by illusions? That you were bothered by intangible things? The notion felt childish, so he ignored it.

Now, standing in front of his door he regretted not saying anything. Maybe he could sneak over to Pidge's room and watch her work on tech- It would be better then trying to distinguish the cruel whispers in his head from the subtle hum of the castle moving through space. But Keith wasn't a social person, she'd know something was up and Keith wasn't ready to face any questions or lingering stares. Plus, she needed to sleep too- much as she wouldn't admit it, and he didn't want to keep her up. Maybe he should go train?

Shiro's disappointed face cropped up in his head and Keith sighed, lifting a hand to his door sensor- but it paused there. His room had always been his sanctuary, in a castle that housed six other beings and a handful of space mice he needed the security and solitude, hell- he _liked_ being alone. Needed it. But right now it felt like a prison cell, he could feel his skin prickling with the knowledge that the walls would close in the moment his door shut and the silence would leave him clawing to get out.

His eyes tipped left- to the next door down. He shouldn't. But surely Lance wouldn't mind.

A handful of steps and a hand pressed against the scanner later had Keith looking into a room that was almost an exact mirror of his own- with some exceptions.

Lance had brought in a dresser and a few bookcases, the shelves lined with mementos and objects from various planets they'd visited. Clothes and tech bits were strewn about haphazardly in typical teenage boy fashion and his blue lion slippers were tucked up beside the bed. He'd also strung up a sparkly silver wire and clipped pictures to it- photos of grateful aliens, foreign plants and animals and, of course, the paladins plus Allura, Coran and even a few of the mice.

Keith's chest tightened as he looked over them, Lance's grinning face looking back at him from the glossy prints. Posing with Pidge as she crossed her eyes and smiled, thumbs up in the kitchen with Hunk and one of his space cookie creations, him with his finger pressed to his smiling lips in a 'shh' motion while Shiro dozed on his shoulder. Keith chuckled at that one. The last photo that caught his eye was of him and Lance, the only one with just the two of them. To anyone else, Keith looked unhappy but he remembered when it was taken and the memory brought a smile to his face.

They'd just liberated a planet of fuzzy, intelligent moth creatures and Keith had been ecstatic- he'd found a planet full of mothmen!

Lance had been teasing him mercilessly about his cryptid nerdiness but his good mood couldn't be dampened by the playful jibes. Their relationship had been shifting, from bitter antagonists into something softer, something warm and the teasing had lost its cutting edge; it was meant in humor not hostility. So Keith had ignored him for the most part- that was until Lance had slung an arm around his shoulders and said 'Smile, samurai!', pulling up his phone/camera thing and Keith had immediately frozen up.

The flash had gone off and before he'd gotten a chance to protest, Lance was moving away and saying something about how the photo came out really good.

He'd never actually seen the photo, but now that he had- he couldn't disagree.

He wasn't smiling but there was a brightness in his eyes, a startled widening from the close contact and a tiny curl upward in one corner of his mouth. Lance of course was cheesing like a fool, blue eyes bright with mirth. They looked happy. They looked like friends.

Keith's heart curled around the feeling protectively.

He left the photos, stepping over clothes and wires to reach the bed. It was as messy as Lance had left it, blanket tangled with the sheet and half hanging off the mattress. Like he'd gotten up too fast and had probably tripped over the mess in his room. Keith sat awkwardly on the edge, it felt strangely intimate without the blue paladin here. An invasion of privacy. Maybe this was a mistake. Maybe he should go back to his own room. But Keith wasn't here to snoop, he didn't want to change anything- just soak in the ambience and pretend Lance could come in at any moment and yell at him for being in here.

Keith exhaled sharply, what was he doing? He stood up, resolving to another restless night when a small shimmer of light caught his eye.

Recognition bloomed in his mind as he snagged the object off the side table and turned it over in his palm, the tiny blue stone glimmering in the light.

He remembered this stone.

They'd stumbled across a galra freighter harvesting resources from a small moon and they'd immediately stepped in to halt the exploitation. The planet the moon orbited was beautiful- pale orange sand touched dark crystal blue water and leafy trees rocked in the breeze. The whole thing was ringed in a beach and Lance hadn't stopped crowing about fruity drinks, sandcastles and swimming in the ocean, the whole fight peppered with happy sounds and excited energy thrumming through the paladin bond. The fight hadn't lasted long.

He'd been absolutely crushed to learn the water wasn't safe for humans.

"It's toxic to most lifeforms but it seems galra are unaffected by the chemical concentration." Allura had said, eyeing the water warily.

After Lance had muttered that Keith's genes were wasted on him Keith had waded into the water just to piss him off but the hurt look that had replaced Lance's teasing was unexpected and Keith had found the little blue stone lapping gently in the tide. It sparkled like polished crystal in the sunlight and he gave it to Lance as a peace offering.

Lance had pretended not to care about the 'weird looking rock' but Keith hadn't missed the way his eyes lit up when he held it. The tiny smile that curled his lips and softened his eyes. Back then, Keith hadn't known what to do with the giddy little hiccup in his heartbeat.

Now, holding the stone, Keith's heart stuttered again- hadn't realized he'd kept it.

He laid back on the bed, avoiding the pillow and pulling out his data pad, watching the little blip of movement that recorded Lance's heartbeat. As close as he could get to feeling it under his palm right now since he was exiled from the medbay for at least 24 hours. He let his eyes shut, allowing himself to rest them, just for a bit.

-

Pain in his lungs.

Ice curling against his skin.

 _It hurts_.

The pounding, horrible pressure of being weightless in a vacuum.

The voiceless sound of screaming.

Keith scrambled up from the bed as the room came yanking back into clarity. Sweat ran down his back and his shirt clung uncomfortably to his damp skin as wild, thundering beats echoed in his ears and beat against his ribs.

A dream- no ... a nightmare.

Or was it a memory?

His fingers shook as he ran them through his sweaty hair, ends curling at his neck.

A quick glance at the castle time said it was too early to be up but he needed to move, itched with the insistence of it. Sleep wouldn't be coming back for a while.

So he threw his legs over the bed and wandered out into the castle. The halls were empty, the lights dimmed to a dull blue glow as the ship breathed softly around him. He wandered aimlessly at first before a small sensation tugged behind his sternum. He knew where he was going before he pressed the sensor that allowed him access to the lion bays. Red rumbled a greeting but understood he wasn't there for her. She shoved the smell of warm summer nights at him anyway, comfort he appreciated as he opened the door to the blue lion's hanger.

Blue was in standby mode- as she had been since the mission but Keith could feel the energy pouring out of her. Bright and crisp, it was cool waters and the first snowflakes of winter.

Keith stared up at the massive sentient machine and touched her metal paw, asking for entry. Blue regarded him for a few moments before she acquiesced with a soft rumble.

Blue's cockpit was a little bigger then Red's, the lion herself larger than his but the buttons and knobs were the same. It felt like a lifetime ago that he'd stood here while Lance piloted them all out of earth's atmosphere and into a space war. So many things had changed. He liked to think they'd grown in the last year, were better fitting into the mantel of defenders so haphazardly thrown on their shoulders. But right now he just felt small ... and tired.

He leaned back against the control panel and slid to the floor, Lance's chair felt too personal to sit in and he doubted Blue would appreciate him attempting it.

 _Damn right, don't you go getting any ideas about my lion_.

He could hear Lance now. Could practically imagine how he'd cross his arms and frown until his eyebrows touched. Pretending to be far more put out than he ever actually was.

"Drama queen." He muttered softly, eyes growing heavy.

The way Lance would gasp was incredibly accurate in his head. _You're just jealous because I'm not emotionally constipated_.

Maybe so. Keith never was very good at expressing his emotions, but he thought he'd been getting better at it- thought maybe Lance was rubbing off on him.

Thought maybe that wouldn't be so bad as he stifled a yawn in his elbow.

Keith found a little bit of peace curled up between Blue's control panel and the pilot's seat- listening to a vague purr in his mind that wasn't Red.

Sleep came surprisingly quick.

\--

The familiar swoop of the cockpit door opening startled Keith into awareness and he sat up at the sound, back aching, eyes blinking quickly to dispel the darkness where a person loomed in the shadows. He reached for his knife but it wasn't there- he suddenly remembered leaving it in his room and glaring fact that he wasn't _in_ his room. As his eyes adjusted to the dim light of Blue's cockpit the shape solidified and became familiar. Taller than him, broad shoulders with a narrow waist and two blue eyes that looked very surprised to see him here.

Keith's heart skipped painfully.

"L-Lance?" He whispered, afraid anything louder would shatter the moment.

Lance didn't seem to share that worry.

"What the hell are you doing in my lion!?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no excuse. Life. Writers block. The fact that this was never actually supposed to go past chapter 1 (sadistic, I know) so I had no plan on where I was going with it past some vague ideas. But now, I've had a break through from the block and have a decently solid grasp on where we're going- even have a good chunk of the end written. However, getting from here to there is gonna be a bumpy ride both for me and for the characters. Hopefully you'll all stick with it, I appreciate everyone who takes the time to read this fic!
> 
> As always, comments and kudos appreciated- they fuel my creativity and I answer back to all comments!


End file.
